i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
