Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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