so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just threw up on my dentist
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
