I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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