I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
