you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
