I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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