I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
did you just send me my own nude
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
