You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
