Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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