i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
