Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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