she smelled like a LAN party
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
