You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
MIDGETS
????
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
