We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
