Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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