I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
