so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
