i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
