No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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