nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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