I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
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