Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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