I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
