My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do vagina's smell?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
