i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
