Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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