i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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