Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
