How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
