If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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