she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
