I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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