I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My dick has a subreddit
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
