I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
