David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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