i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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