I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
