Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
