im six kinds of drunk right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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