So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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