why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
