Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
