We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
