We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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