ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
