I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
