yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
