you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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