where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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