If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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