just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's blow job season.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
