She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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