u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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