Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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