I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
