I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
