She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
