i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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