Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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