Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
