I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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