Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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