Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
