whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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