So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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