i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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