We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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