how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
