i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
